I've been an actor for years, and am very comfortable with my skills in that profession but I am not the biggest fan of the business. Being and actor and being an actor in Hollywood are two very different things. I love being an actor, I love telling stories and performing, but I don't love politics, games and bullshit.
The man I have fallen in love with is a writer and works for a video game company. He is incredibly successful, at least by my standards, and this week he has been recording the voice of one of the characters he wrote with Danny Trejo. Danny is a lovely man, and his assistant Mario and I have been hanging out on the couch in the waiting room, as a result I have gotten to hear a lot about Danny's day to day life.
Frankly listening to his schedule makes me tired.
Danny is achieving the goal, he is a working actor, who is constantly on new projects and doing good work he can be proud of, on the same token I have no idea when the man has time to sleep.
It becomes one of those things where you have to decide whether the professional relationship outweighs personal goals. I know I will never be a famous actress, because I don't want that. I want to be working. I want to do work that I am proud of, but I am perfectly happy being a member of a theater company as I would be having a film career. To me work is work, and it is the work that is important not the notoriety.
At this point I would rather have one of my movies that I've written be made than book a lead in a feature. But that has to do with intent. I want the script to have a life and get to be played, be that a low budget independent or big studio, to get to see my baby walk would be amazing.
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