The morning after you finish a project, this is what your brain vomits.

I'm not a good blogger. I forget this thing exists and I go months without writing anything on it, which is why I have four followers. Four people who are probably family members or friends who forgot they liked this page and have been too lazy to delete me from the list of things they follow.

I started to write a facebook post and realized, oh yeah, that's what a blog is for.

My college acting professor Mark Majarian told us that he was there to help us get out of our own way. That the only thing keeping us from being successful actors was our fear. He told me specifically it was his job to get me working. I think this is where my obsession or misguided belief that as an actor the goal is not to be famous, or make a butt load of money, the goal is to be working, and that as long as I am working, and growing then I am successful as an actor. It was this mentality that made Los Angeles a very strange place for me.

People always had advice for you, most of it misguided. I was advised to choose an actor whose career I wanted to have and then emulate that person's trajectory. I chose Tony Shalhoub. Ethnically ambiguous, not the typical standard of beauty, an honest performer, that is good if not great in everything he has ever done, including Thirteen Ghosts. I was met with disappointment when this same person said, "But, he's a dude." Apparently, women cannot emulate men and be successful. It was around this same time that someone asked me what my goal was and I said, "I just want to be working." The response was, "You don't want to be famous?" I flatly said no. Apparently, "No" was disappointing to this trusted confidant. "You do know that this is a tough industry? That if you aim to be famous, you will be working, but if you aim to work, you won't get anywhere. You have to aim higher than what you want."

I thought that was bullshit. So, I fired my agent.

Whatever happened to realistic, carefully planned goals? When did it become a poor decision to know what you want and then create and execute a road map to attaining a tangible goal? Notoriety does not equate to success or happiness. Feeling like you have accomplished something through your own merit is what creates lasting contentment. At least for me it does.

If there is an easy road and a hard road to travel, I will always take the hard road. It is a character flaw. I acknowledge that, but it is so much more interesting than feebly walking along the trail stamped out by reality tv stars and poorly written rants on youtube. I would rather be poor and psychologically fulfilled, than rich and wondering what the hell has become of my life.

These are the things that keep me up at night, and these are things that keep my fingers clicking against plastic, feebly trying to tell the stories that have been hidden away off the paved highway of popular fiction.

Oh, god that was pretentious.

I need to get back to writing my werewolf novel, or the one about the girl in the diner off route 41, or the Sci-fi adventure movie I'm outlining. Screw it, Kimberly's right I should start writing Flowers in the Attic, a Space Adventure.

Chuck Wendig Flash Fiction Challenge-"Dolls"

For those of you who don't know, Chuck is kind of brilliant and a big deal. His blog is excellent for those looking for honest writing advice, and occasionally he holds awesome contests. This week it's a flash fiction contest using a first line supplied by last week's contest winners and honorable mentions.

I chose the line: "When the last cherry blossom falls, so will my axe." by Delilah.

This spawned quite possibly the most Japanese thing I have ever written. Research may be required after reading, search for Butoh masks, Tatami mats, Hinamatsuri, and Fox Weddings, if you are unfamiliar with any of these terms or mythologies.

Thanks for reading,
Lauren

DOLLS

When the last cherry blossom falls, so will my axe.

Midori twirled in the fragrant flurries of pink and white blossoms. Her lithe figure clad in layers of fine silk pranced up and down the rows of cherry trees, a Hinamatsuri doll clutched in her hands. Our mother screamed from the house, “Where is the Emperor?”

Midori giggled back running into the forest, “He’s on an adventure.”

“Tetsuyo, get your sister! TETSUYO!”

“Yes, mother.” I called, disappearing into the forest.

Midori’s geta left clear impressions in the soft muddy spring ground. The snow melted two weeks ago, the canopy covered forest floor had not yet recovered from winter. If deer left tracks as obvious our family would eat like kings tonight.

Tiny equal signs ran through the trees, down to the spring our family gathered water from and fished in the summer. Midori sat on a rock beside the stream, the Emperor’s feet skimming the surface of the water. The sun shone on the pastoral beauty, tiny rings of water formed and dissipated in the stream, a million minnows searching for food. From the cloudless sky rain fell in sheets, soaking Midori’s silk kimono, the azure cornflowers turning a deep purple.

Drums sounded in the distance, the air filled with the metallic taste of rain and the scent of cherry blossoms, and wet dog.

Not wet dog, wet fox.

The drumming grew louder. Midori cheered, figures began to appear on the opposite bank, a royal wedding procession.

I ran to Midori, clutched her hand and dragged her from the bank. The emperor fell into the water. Midori screamed and broke from my grasp. Her white socks brown with mud, the geta pried from her feet stuck in the riverbank.

“Midori, we have to leave.”

“I want to watch the wedding.”

“No.”

I grabbed her hand and drug her to the tree line.

“My shoes?”

“Leave them.”

“The emperor?” Midori frowned.

“We have to go.”

I dragged her through the forest, her white socks torn, stained with mud and blood, as her tender feet cut on roots and rocks.

“Tetsuyo, up?”

Midori’s porcelain face marred with mud, the tears streaking the dirt away, reminded me of a Butoh mask I had seen in one of mother’s dance books. Her little body contorted, the binding of her kimono loosened as we fled. She looked so common. I threw her over my shoulder running from the forest, through the orchard, to our house.

Mother stood on the porch, refusing to let her soiled children ruin the Tatami mats that ran the entrance of the house. “And, where is the emperor?”

“Tetsuyo, made me leave him, and my shoes. Look what he did to my feet.”

My mother glared at me. The hard lines of her face, that perfected this stare, began to soften, a tear shaping at the corner of her right eye. On the wind came the sound of drumming and the stench of foxes, I knew it was too late.

Canadian Discoveries

Since posting my last blog, several months ago. I have moved to Canada. This is something that has happened to me, rather than a conscious decision to extricate myself from the United States.

I used to think I was a West Coast girl. Before that, I was a Cali-girl. And, before that a Long Beachian. Now I find myself in Montreal. Not just Canada Canada, but French Canada. The girl who took Spanish two at Long Beach City College her junior year, so she wouldn't screw up her high school gpa, now lives in Quebec. And, I still don't speak French. Granted it's only been two weeks, but still, this seems like a failure in planning. Although, when you only have ten days to rent out your house, get a new car, update the puppy vaccines, pack, and move across the country, learning French falls way down on the list of priorities.

It's almost 3pm, the mister is at work, the boys are passed out on the hotel bed, that was supposed to get fresh linens today, at some point, and I am here, at work, on my computer. Or, rather, I am here writing a blog and postponing work, on Travis's computer, that actually has an appropriate sized screen and keyboard, unlike my dying netbook. Yesterday was a bad day. I felt completely lost, and disconnected from everything I know, and suffering from a very annoying head cold. But, I digress. Today, I had a revelation: Food here is awesome.

I don't just mean snooty French cuisine or all the poutine a fat kid from Long Beach could ever dream of, but genuinely, the food here is really good, in ways we Americans take for granted. SODA is made from real things.

Orange Fanta, in the USA, tastes like Orange. Orange Fanta, in Canada, tastes like Oranges. This may seem like a subtle distinction, but when you crack open an aluminum can of Orange Fanta expecting it to taste like Orange flavoring and instead you get a mouth full of slightly sour carbonated refreshing confusion, you look at the can to see what the hell just happened. The label reads made with real oranges, and real sugar. I picked up a can of Coke and to my surprise found that it was also made with real sugar and manufactured in New York. I don't understand how a product can be made in the United States but not sold in the United States.

Which brings me to another startling discovery: Stork Chocolate Reises are delicious. And Werther's Original Caramel Chocolates are completely confusing and delectable.

Although, this move has been beyond stressful and I feel myself floundering trying, to find some footing, having twelve inches of snow drop down the day before spring starts does not aid in footing finding, I can't help but feel hopeful that everything will eventually work itself out and the boys and I will be fine.

Next week we will be out of this two-hundred-fifty-square-foot-bachelor-hotel-apartment and will be in our permanent rental where the boys will have a yard and momma will have an office. Things are looking brighter already, as long as I don't gain fifty pounds drinking real soda, sucking on real candy, and eating real poutine, before the wedding in June. Did I mention our wedding is in Seattle?

"wretched is the slavery where the law is changeable or uncertain"

These are the times we live in.
The time where free-men become slaves to an ideal, a concept separate from reality, one where a washer woman becomes an heiress, a billionaire on the backs of the impoverished.
A time when the middle class is tantamount to snake oil.
We have been duped by the salesmen, distracted by the spectacle and upon our return from the big show, we leave our fortunes to the gypsies who read our futures from a Monsanto Greenspan ball of tar sands oil.
We ignore the sages, the Krugmans's and scientists, in favor of the wizard and his dime store relics, that instill a sense of peace, we clutch tightly to our "live better, work union" buttons while the wizard sets our temples on fire.

This is the time in which we live.
The time in which we passively expire, while the dreams of our fathers are perverted by a global attack on intellect, simultaneously, grieving the future our children have come to accept as inevitable. A future in which we conform to a diety whose teachings only apply in theory. In practice we celebrate the individual and family, while denigrating the community.

We are enslaved by a nation too impoverished for change.

Where are the artists, who question the status quo?
We are silenced by the snookies, the Hiltons, the Honey Boo Boos.
We read US Weekly instead of Salman Rushdie.
Literature is being defined by edgy form rather than content.

And in this realm of freedom we become good Americans through conformity rather than dissent.
It is through discourse that this country's ideology was founded and it is through compliance that we fail.

Loyal Stone Press

I am gearing up to release the first issue of Prospective: A Journal of Speculation in three weeks. Kayla Crow's chapbook "Finding Highways in Cracked Coffee Cups" has been doing very well on amazon. For the first week of sales Kayla was on five best seller lists and was at #1 for two days on Amazon's list of Hot New releases in American Poetry. Which is kind of insane for a first publication from a writer and press. I look forward to bringing more new voices to print and digital publications. Although every project is not without its trials and tribulations. Last week Eric Loya decided that he needed to step back from the project and I respect his decision. Though it means that I am running this business on my own, it also means that I am running this business on my own. With that pressure also comes freedom, and I am hoping that my business savvy, creative aesthetic, and desire to cultivate strong lasting relationships with my writers and artists will make this venture a success.

My Kickstarter

My friend Eric Loya and I are starting a literary journal, and were approved for a Kickstarter. We have 17 days to raise $2500. The pledge levels range from $1-$2000, and come with varying levels of awesome SWAG. The more you pledge the more you get. $50 bucks will get your name on the "Thank you page", a pdf of the magazine, a print copy of the magazine, a writing journal with the first issue's cover art, and a t-shirt with the first issue's cover art.

Every little bit helps, and more than that if we get off the ground we may be able to publish some of your work.

Thank you for reading, here is the link

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/591497086/prospective-a-journal-of-speculation

Lauren

P.S.

Please forward the link to anyone you think may be interested. Thank you again.

P.P.S
If you are worried about not having enough money for Christmas shopping, the way Kickstarter works, is if we don't reach our goal your financial obligation goes away. If we do reach our goal then the amount you pledged will be deducted from your bank account, through Amazon, after the fundraising period ends, which is December 26th, just in time to deposit that ten dollar check from grandma that you never know what to do with. Now you could turn that random trip to the bank into a print copy of "Werewolves and Other Bitches" and a awesome thank you to your grandma in print, in every copy of the journal.

Regarding the Events at CSULB

The argument has been made that this is a matter of free speech or free press, that the article represents Noah's opinions only and I take issue with that. Had Noah published this article on his own personal website or an independent paper that was not affiliated with the college there would be some controversy but it would not be to this magnitude. There are several things to take into account when reviewing this "article".

First, it is presented as a serious piece of journalism, which requires responsibility on the part of the reporter. I am an English major at CSULB and have dabbled in journalism. When reporting a journalist is supposed to provide a fair, balanced, accurate and responsible product, this article was not fair, balanced, responsible or even appropriately researched.

Second, the facts of the article are either subjective or incorrect. The only objective fact in the article is inaccurate, Noah states the Powwow is an all day event, the CSULB Powwow is a two day event, and generally has fallen on the second weekend of March for at least the past 20 years, if not since its inception I will not claim to know if all 41 years have been the second weekend of March. I have only been on this planet for 27 years and really cognoscente of Powwow in any intelligent way since I was seven, although I have been to Powwow virtually every year of my life, my first experience in my mother’s womb.

Third, the placement of the article, had this been published under the opinion section or even in the Grunion the controversy would be lessened because it is not purported to be a piece of news.

Fourth, the last line of the article immediately preceding also written by Noah, "Words can be powerful, and the more open and upfront we can be with each other without judgment and bias, the closer we can get to not participating in unacceptable behavior". It is obvious that Noah is capable of writing a thoughtful article on a sensitive subject, that the same care or consideration is not extended to racially charged material is disconcerting, although reducing rape and sexual assault to "unacceptable behavior" seems to diminish the power of those acts and is a little off the mark as well.

Fifth, the dietary issue, if Noah wrote an equally scathing article about the donuts sold on campus or french fries or burgers and the promotion of unhealthy dietary choices by allowing fast food chains on campus then perhaps there would be more substance to his complaint about frybread, to be fair he may have written a piece like this in the past that I am unaware of, but as this is my first semester at CSULB I have not seen any such article written by him. Additionally, I would like to know what video he watched about frybread, because I am sure they would have discussed that frybread is res. food, the result of government rations sent to reservations, and when all you have is flour, sugar and oil to feed your children the result is some kind of fried dough. Also, the naming of Indian tacos/hamburgers/dogs, is for ease of clarification that it comes on a piece of frybread. Most of these meals were the result of need not want, most traditional native food is very healthy consisting of wild rice, berries and local game, the so called “unhealthy native diet” is a constraint of the US government forcing native people onto reservations, I personally believe that this government sanctioned diet has a direct correlation to the rise in type two diabetes in the Native community.

Sixth, the blanket dance analogy. The dance in which people were throwing money on the ground without a context is inflammatory enough but becomes appalling when taken into context. I have always called it a blanket dance, or an offering dance other people may have other names for his type of dance but generally the dance is to benefit a member of the community who is going through a hardship or has had a tragedy befall them. According to my mother who is on the Powwow committee there were two blanket dances, one of which was for a man whose two sons were murdered. It is Noah's duty as a reporter to get all of his facts straight before reporting rather than passing judgment. Additionally, the ground was blessed on Saturday morning, so in addition to CSULB being built on Puvugna the ground was rededicated as sacred land. There is nothing "crass or borderline obscene" about giving an offering on sacred land to a fellow member of your community who lost his sons.

Responsibility in reporting should be a primary focus of any paper, particularly a university publication because this is where the journalists of tomorrow are being reared. The irresponsible actions of the Union require proportionate consequences, and I hope the university, AIS and President Alexander take that into consideration when next year’s budgetary negotiations arrive.

Punch in the Neck-an etymology

When people call you a son of a bitch, they aren't saying that your mother is a dog, or that even your mother is a bitch, but that you are kind of an asshole. Which when people are calling you an asshole, they are not saying that you are a sphincter that emits fecal matter but that you are a jerk. Now when people call you a jerk they are not saying that you are an involuntary spasm, but that you are being a pain in the ass. And when people call you a pain in the ass they are not saying that you are a build up of lactic acid in their gluteous maximus or possibly a foreign object that has penetrated the region but that you are a frustrating person who should be punched in the neck. Now when they say you should be punched in the neck they don't actually want to punch you in the neck they just think that you need to be taught a lesson. And really when they say you need to be taught a lesson it means you should knock your shit off. And by knock your shit off they mean they want you to behave like an adult. So by saying you want to punch someone in the neck you are effectively saying that you want people to act like respectful adults instead of acting like impetuous children running around like asshole, jerky, sons of bitches who are a pain in the ass. Really a very effective four word phrase.

Drugs

Last week I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. On Tuesday I was prescribed three new drugs to manage this new disease. A baby asprin to protect my heart, a high blood pressure medication to protect my kidneys, and metformin to help manage my blood sugar levels. The doctor also increased my Thyroid dosage. One of these drugs has made me a little bit manic. Not sure which, could be all four but in any event I have an excess of very strange energy. My mind already makes strange connections without the aid of uppers but now it seems constant, which I guess is good for my lit and creative writing classes but not so good when anti-abortion protesters invade my college and I end up screaming things at them like "I want to have an abortion on your face" or "All you make me want to do is go have unprotected sex with my boyfriend, so I can have an abortion and mail it to a senator", these reactions to my medication are not good. Funny and wrong, but not good. In any event I hope this levels out soon for the sake of all those around me, particularly Travis. Manic girlfriend is all kinds of bad, mostly because manic girlfriend only needs like 5 or 6 hours of sleep and boyfriend needs 10. We have entered a new danger zone.

Conclusions

I don't know if it has something to do with the fact that it is 6:50am and I am awake because the puppies are like little alarm clocks that go off at 6:30 every morning waiting for breakfast or the fact that it is silent except for a bird's chirping and the puppies' gnawing on bones and this rhythm has made me contemplative but for whatever the reason or impetus I am thinking about conclusions. A lot of things are coming to an end in my life right now and a lot of things are just beginning. As you might know I am getting divorced, which is a long, tedious, frustrating process and I am going back to school. I am pretty sure that I will be able to graduate in the fall which will be a full semester ahead of schedule. This is a conclusion I am looking forward to. The whole divorce thing is a bucket of sad. The whole process is full of unnecessary events that have essentially destroyed a 17 year relationship. I don't know if it is my fault for not seeing things more clearly or if it is even possible to see through a haze of lies.

I am one of those people who would rather be hit in the face than lied to. The worst thing you can do in a relationship is lie to your partner. You can work with bad actions but you can't do anything with lies. There is no way to correct a lie, because even if you fess up after the lie has been told the other person feels betrayed and questions whether or not they can trust you. It's like cheating, I wouldn't be afraid of the past action I would be afraid of what it means a person is capable of. If you can so easily step out of a relationship once, you can do it again. It's the again that makes you crazy. It's the again that starts petty fights, and it's the again that destroys the relationship.

I feel like I have this very bi-polar life right now. I think I am doing well in school, we really haven't had enough grades to gauge anything yet, I am with a man that I love and we have wonderful puppies. At the same time I am going through this increasingly messy divorce and was diagnosed with diabetes last week. I feel like whenever one area starts to get good some other random crap pops up and all you can do is look forward to the conclusion of the crap.

I would not change my life with anyone, because for the most part I am happy and incredibly well adjusted, but sometimes I wonder why the FUCK does this shit have to happen to me?

The only conclusion I have been able to come up with is I can take it.

I have always been too honest and too trusting for my own good, but I would rather be that way then a cynical, manipulative, selfish, self-serving, irresponsible, callous waste of space. I attract those kinds of people, I think all good natured people do. We are magnets for others bullshit and we try to fix them. We think that maybe our positivity will rub off on them, but this is a losing battle and eventually you have to cut your losses and sometimes run.

So I am running. Running my fingers over these keys, running my mouth to people who can help me and probably running away from an insurmountable mountain of debt that has been accrued in my name over the last three years. I am starting over in a way that I never wanted to start over at a time where I feel like I am finally settled, which is a good thing. But most of all I just want to stop being chased by a frantic little boy who all he seems to want to do is hurt me because he is afraid that I am leaving him, and after 17 years of chasing and being bitten around the ankles and bleeding for this person while he gets to go out and play every day, I've said enough. So now he gets his fearful wish fulfilled, I have left him because at this point I don't need a parasitic child that I didn't give birth to. Instead I choose to share my life with a man who makes every moment of my life calmer. I think that's the best conclusion I have ever reached.

Oh God I'm One of Those People

My boyfriend and I adopted a dog on Sunday, his name is Ralph, we call him Ralphie, and he is the cutest little puggle. He is really smart except when it comes to running into walls and being afraid of the air conditioner. We somehow managed to 75% potty train him in three days. Monday was a hard day as he was by himself for five hours. That being said, he only relieved himself on the pee pads. Sunday he had one and a half accidents and Monday morning he pooped for the first time on the carpet. Since then, Ralphie has only peed on the pee pad in the middle of the night while we were sleeping or when I was at school today, otherwise he has gone outside every time and either went out on his own or would signal to us that he needed to be let out.

I have become one of those people, one of those people who talks about their dog's bathroom habits. One of those people who takes pictures of their dog and posts them online. Who creates little videos of him stealing a potato or chasing his demon tail and then posts them on their facebook. I have become one of those people who writes a blog about their dog, posts it on the internet, and puts a share link on their facebook. I have become one of those people.

Oh God.

I guess this is what happens when you are in love and get a puppy.

I'm kind of OK with that.

Posting an Outline

Yesterday I had to give a speech about organic produce, since it's been awhile I'm just going to post my full context outline.

Organic Fallacies

Introduction:

By a show of hands how many of you eat organic?

How many of you eat organic because it is more nutritious?

How many of you eat organic because it is free of pesticides?

How many of you eat organic because it is safer?

To quote Penn and Teller “Organic food has become a religion”.

People buy into the dogma of living an organic lifestyle and believe all kinds of things about organic foods that are fallacies, exaggerations and propaganda perpetuated by the organics industry.

Did you know that the e-coli contaminated spinach outbreak was traced to a California farm that was in the process of converting to organic?

Organic-philes have too many arguments in favor of eating organics to cover in a seven minute speech, in order to convince you to buy conventionally farmed produce. I will focus on three of the most common fallacies of organic produce: safety, pesticides and nutrition.

I.                   Beginning with safety.

A.      The 2006 e-coli outbreak was tracked to Mission Organics, a farm that was converting from conventional to organic farming.

1.      In order to become a certified organic farm, the farmers cannot use any synthetic pesticides, manure or herbicides for three years. To ensure that the crops raised there do not contain any trace elements from previous farming methods. This farm however leased a plot of land from an existing Angus cattle ranch.

B.      E-coli bacteria were found in the water near the farm, and the cattle’s manure was also found to be contaminated with the e-coli bacteria.

1.      The farmers claim that they do not know where the e-coli may have come from but considering that the adjoining cattle farm had an outbreak of e-coli it is highly likely that the newly organic farm was fertilizing their spinach with infected cow manure and the e-coli grew into the crop.

a.       Had it been an e-coli outbreak in pineapples traced back to Dole it would be front page news, but since it was an organic farm the news sources the possibility that organic fertilizer had contaminated the crops, instead blaming the contamination on the possibility of feral pigs crossing through the cattle fields picking up manure, and accidentally contaminating the spinach.

b.                              If organic agriculture is the source of the largest contamination of produce I can think of in my lifetime, the idea that organics is safer frankly is a hard pill to swallow.

II.                Let’s move on to Pesticides.

A.      According to the University of Berkley website, “Until recently, nobody bothered to look at natural chemicals (such as organic pesticides), because it was assumed that they posed little risk. But when the studies were done, the results were somewhat shocking: you find that about half of the natural chemicals studied are carcinogenic as well.

B.      Most organic farmers (and even some conventional farmers, too) employ mechanical and cultural tools to help control pests. These include insect traps, careful crop selection (there are a growing number of disease-resistant varieties), and biological controls (such as predator insects and beneficial microorganisms).

C.      A recent study compared the effectiveness of a rotenone-pyrethrin mixture versus a synthetic pesticide, imidan. Rotenone and pyrethrin are two common organic pesticides; imidan is considered a "soft" synthetic pesticide (i.e., designed to have a brief lifetime after application, and other traits that minimize unwanted effects).

D.      It was found that up to 7 applications of the rotenone- pyrethrin mixture were required to obtain the level of protection provided by 2 applications of imidan. It seems unlikely that 7 applications of rotenone and pyrethrin are really better for the environment than 2 applications of imidan, especially when rotenone is extremely toxic to fish and other aquatic life.

E.      It should be noted, however, that we don't know for certain which system is more harmful. This is because we do not look at organic pesticides the same way that we look at conventional pesticides.

F.       We don't know how long these organic pesticides persist in the environment, or the full extent of their effects. When you look at lists of pesticides allowed in organic agriculture, you find warnings such as, "Use with caution. The toxicological effects of [organic pesticide X] are largely unknown," or "Its persistence in the soil is unknown."

G.     Again, researchers haven't bothered to study the effects of organic pesticides because it is assumed that "natural" chemicals are automatically safe. [I’m not sharing this information to scare you away from ever eating organic again] It is only meant to let you know what you are or aren't getting when you make such a purchase. Unless you know your grower personally, there is no guarantee that your produce has been grown without pesticides or other chemicals. It's a point to consider, given the substantially higher cost of organic foods.”

H.     When testing for pesticides, you have to specifically test for each individual pesticide. Organic produce may have higher concentrations of organic pesticides than conventional produce contains of synthetic pesticides, unfortunately as of yet no one has bothered to test the contamination levels of organic pesticides, which is genuinely disconcerting given the fact that half of all organic pesticides are carcinogenic.

III.             The Organic Industry totals more than $20 billion a year and is growing at double digit rates. Organics is Big Business. A huge section of the marketing of organic food is dedicated to the fallacy that organic food is more nutritious.

A.    According to Organic Farmers and Growers some studies have shown there are benefits to eating organic food, while other studies say there is no marketable difference in the nutritional value of organically farmed produce and traditionally farmed produce.

1.      In 2009 the Food Safety Administration in Britain released a report that said, “Organic food is no healthier and provides no significant nutritional benefit compared with conventionally produced foods.”

2.      The report looked at fifty years of evidence published on the different nutrient levels in produce and livestock from both farming methods and also the health benefits of eating organic food.

3.      The findings were published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition and concluded “that there's no good evidence that consumption of organic food is beneficial to health based on the nutrient content…”

4.      That while small differences in nutrient content were found between organic and conventionally produced food, they were unlikely to be of any public health relevance".

a.       To quote Gill Fine the FSA director of consumer choice, "This study does not mean people should not eat organic food. What it shows is that there is little, if any, nutritional difference between organic and conventionally produced food and there is not evidence of additional health benefits from eating organic food. If they are buying organic on the basis that it is healthier, then that is not the case.”

b.      The National Academy of Science, Institute of Medicine, The American Academy of Pediatrics, American Medical Association, Mayo Clinic, The American Diatetic Association, The U.S. Department of Agriculture, and the National Dairy Council all agree that there is no additional benefit from organic food.

IV.             In conclusion to quote, Diane Barret, director of the Centre for Fruit and Vegetable Quality at the University of California at Davis, “because so many other factors affect nutrients in crops, including soil quality, climate, sunlight, rainfall, freshness, ripeness when picked and plant variety. To compare organic with conventional crops, you need to grow them under identical conditions. That is a challenge, since even small changes, such as weather and the time of picking, can make a big difference in the level of nutrients in a fruit or vegetable.”

A.      There are too many factors that affect the nutritional quality of our produce. Short of dissecting and testing every piece of fruit or vegetable you eat there really is no way to determine the specific nutritional value.

B.      If you are truly concerned about what goes into your food the only way to ensure how your produce is raised is to farm it yourself.

C.      If you can’t raise your own crops and need to buy them, then please purchase what you want.

1.      If you are concerned about pesticides, remember that organic does not mean pesticide free.

2.      Organic is not healthier, safer or more nutritious.

3.      Your purchases should be based on what apple is more cost effective and riper instead of whether or not it is organic.

So Renee is doing this pay it forward thing

With blog awards and chose my blog as one of her favorite.

Trouble is I am now supposed to list my favorite blogs and promote them, I don't have any. That weren't already listed in Renee's blog, so um... I've got nothing.

On that note I would like to take this opportunity to make a political statement during my acceptance speech.

Republican's who are holding middle class tax breaks hostage are idiots.

1. It's not new taxes, or a tax increase on the wealthiest two percent of American it is an end to an outrageously detrimental tax break set by the Bush league.

2. Trickle down economics does not work.

3. The people who are receiving these tax breaks are not the people who create "small business".

4. Paris Hilton has nothing to do with "small business", but I bet her trust fund creates so much interest that she is required to pay taxes on it. IE. her savings account creates more revenue than a "small business".

5. We are talking about take home pay not what revenues a business creates, those are separate tax laws.

6. Rich people have enough tax write off's that an increase in the base that they pay probably will not amount to much.

7. Rich people have accountants and tax lawyers whose jobs are to find ways to avoid paying taxes. How about instead of paying all that money to these people you pay your f***ing taxes and all of our Grandmothers who worked in factories while our Grandfathers were away at war to support our country can get their diabetes medication and pay their electric bill. Just a thought.

OK I'm done.

Oh except, "No new taxes on nobody", is neither good grammar or good economics.

What is guaranteed to you make you happy on a trip to Disneyland?

 Not backing down and paying off the media hungry woman who just realized that being an American means you can sue corporations for false persecution. She signed a contract which nullified her right to sue your company for not being in compliance with the dress code. If anything you can counter-sue this woman for damages to the Disney name.

Rob Reiner's an a-hole?

So I made the unfortunate mistake of scanning AM radio to try and find traffic information when 1070 let me down. I stumbled upon AM 640 and oh holy Jesus was it the wrong day to listen to that right wing republican bigotry. Tim Conway Jr.'s intelligence and incite into modern American politics and social policy.

Prop 8 was over turned today. Therefore the American people and their votes have just been attacked proving that the Federal government is trying to control our lives because nothing says that Gay marriage should exist.

His guest from the Alliance Defense Fund Doug something, frankly Tim slurred his name and I wasn't entirely sure what he said, his name may not even be Doug something, anyway the ADF guy decreed that marriage is ordained by god to be between a man and a woman and that studies have proven that what is best for the children is to raise them in a stable home with a mother and father. That to allow gay marriage is tantamount to signing away the rights of the child and setting them up for destruction.

First of all ADF is a Christian conservative right wing organization. The three areas listed on their home page is religious freedom, sanctity of human life and family values.

As far as I am concerned anyone can believe in anything they want, as long as they don't use their faith to persecute others ADF I'm talking to you, a woman has a right to choose, and your family is what you make it.

If the Ozzie and Harriet theory of family was so great then why are their serial killers and homosexuals now? No I am not saying that homosexuals are evil like serial killers, but these people tend to think that the "homosexual lifestyle" and its promotion by "the liberal media" are committing crimes against America, so I am going to take the analogy to the extreme.

Here is something for those right wingers to think about. You know your "ideal" family? It made all of the liberals and the homosexuals you are afraid of now. So suck on that.

This man literally said, "The government is responsible for implementing social policy, and to endorse gay marriage is to support something bad, not the good ideal family."

Tim Conway Jr. agreed with this man, but his first question was not really about Gay marriage but what his opinion of Rob Reiner was.

Rob Reiner said, "Everyone knows or is related to someone gay. That to look that person in the eye and tell them they do not deserve the same rights you would have to be a pretty cold hearted person."

Tim decided that Rob was calling all supporters of traditional marriage cold hearted, and then decreed that even though Rob is a family friend that he is an A-hole. He called him an A-hole about ten times before I stopped listening.

The next commercial break Tim did a promo for a debt consolidation law firm that would keep the "cold hearted" banks from harassing you. In the promo nearly every other sentence has a "cold hearted banks" plug in it.

Apparently Tim can call the banks cold hearted for trying to get back their money, but Rob Reiner is an A-hole for saying people who can look their "loved ones" in the eye and persecute them are cold hearted.

The next commercial break featured an auto painting company, where Tim made fun of his wife's driving saying that she runs into poles all the time so he loves this company because they fixed his car so well. The whole advertisement was riddled with misogynistic jabs at his wife ending with the declaration, "Deadbeats have dents in their car. I know first hand how hard it is to get women with a bad car."

Frankly Tim Conway Jr. is an ASSHOLE.

Huzzah for the internet that I can say ASSHOLE instead of A-hole.

Rob Reiner my heterosexual female fag hag hat is off to you. Tim Conway Jr. I hope you die in a fire while being harassed on your cell phone by one of those cold hearted banks for reneging on your debt to fix that dent in your car because you were so concerned about being able to get a woman while stepping out on your wife.

I'm a terrible American

So as I read this right wing slant on mandatory service proposals one line struck out at me and all I could think of was South Park and operation get behind the darkies.

This picture blanketed my mind and I could not let it go. The image of Sarah Palin strapped to the front of a tank like a ships mermaid as the Fox News Corp lined a dank and muddy World War II trench. Complaining of trench foot, and the horrible food they were subjected to by their MRE's.  Their mouths salivating as they thought of expensive caviar and foie gras as a nuclear warhead penetrates their consciousness Bill O'Reilly declares, "Well, guess I should have seen that one coming."

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with mandatory service, if it just means you hold a government job for two years. Frankly I've already done that. Most people probably have worked for the government at one time or another and may not have realized it. If you have ever been a summer camp counselor for a city park you have worked for the government. If you've ever been a poll worker for an election, you've worked for the government. I think the fear of going to war is the reason people are afraid of this notion, but the reality is if you have never worked in an industry how can you possibly understand it.

When I first started acting in Hollywood I put my hand in everything. I did PA work, I did wardrobe, I interned at an agency, did casting director workshops, assisted in casting session you name it I did it, because I needed to know all aspects of my industry in order to be successful in it.

People constantly complain about government and the way things are run without having any knowledge of bureaucracy.  The process is almost unbearable, it is slow and it is ridiculous. Everyone feels like they need to put their stamp on every little thing, to feel important and there are institutions within the institution to protect employees from retaliation, discrimination and themselves. The problem is that while honest hard working employees can benefit from these services there are just as many or more employees that utilize these systems to obtain job security and make it nearly impossible to fire them. When I worked for LA Parks and rec we had people who blatantly abused the system and it would take years to get rid of them. Policy is the same way, if not worse because their are lobbyists and special interests groups who will fight against or for policies that don't benefit them.

It seems to me that if more people worked for the government or at least had a summer internship they would understand what they were fighting for or against. It tends to be those who have no working knowledge of the system that are its biggest detractors, and those who I would classify as greedy, money hungry capitalists that tend to hate anything that resembles socialism or communism. The reality is that capitalism doesn't work, and communism doesn't work. Capitalism creates two distinct classes the haves and the have-nots, and the longer this system continues the broader the space between the two becomes. Communism on the other hand requires that the world is not populated with self-serving assholes, which any of VH1's reality programming will show you that is not the case.

Soap box, retired.

The Never Ending Struggle

The following is what happens when I get a broad topic for an essay exam:

The struggle for equality has been one marred by violence, economic and social strife. African Americans, women and immigrants have undergone similar road blocks on the road to equality they definitely did not take the same road. While women’s liberation and the Civil Rights Movement are the most well known societal campaigns the plight of the immigrant tends to shift from enemy to enemy depending on what war is on.

For the Great Depression era that war was on the economy. In 1929 the immigrants on the receiving end of the oppression stick was Mexicans. “The government effectively ended legal immigration from Mexico for the duration of the Depression to protect jobs for American citizens” (Keene, 672). By promoting a government program that included a government funded trip home coupled with deportation “approximately 415,000 Mexicans left the United States during the 1930’s” (Keene, 672). With almost a half million workers deleted from the workforce, New Deal programs and World War Two created industry, the United States successfully recovered from the fiscal fiasco known as the Great Depression.

In the earlier part of the 1920’s with the adoption of women’s suffrage came a new vision of the ideal woman in the Fisher girl. With new found political power women now had the opportunity to have their voices heard in Washington. Unfortunately most women tended to vote with their husbands rather than for issue traditionally associated with women. While the flappers were alive and well within the counter culture mainstream society adopted a new vision of the modern woman as the Fisher girl. Demanding a long and lanky physique the Fisher girl refocused women from their new found freedom and made them slaves to their diet. “According to a 1928 study, only 17 percent of American women were both slender and over 5 feet 3 inches tall” (Keene, 645). This new model of the perfect woman would later influence the feminist movement.

In addition to the new found body image Margaret Sanger began the fight for female reproductive rights. Sanger believed that “too many children… ruined women’s health and relegated them to the ranks of the poor” (Keene, 646). By opening the first American birth control clinic Sanger hoped to save women from unwanted pregnancies. Due to the 1873 Comstock Act which prohibited the distribution of pornography and information on contraception and birth control Sanger was arrested. Not willing to be silenced following her arrest Sanger appeared with a gag in protest of her government sanctioned silence. Throughout Sanger’s life she worked to change societal attitudes toward birth control.

As America moved into World War Two the bombing of Pearl Harbor put a new face on the dangerous immigrant, one of Japanese descent. While there had always been tension between Anglo Saxons and Japanese in California and the West Coast it was not until the United States entered the war that the racism became government sanctioned. Like the infringement upon women, deeming them second class citizens, the repatriation of Mexicans and the enslavement of the Africans before them, the Japanese were now second class citizens forced to give up the free way of life they had come to America for in exchange for internment camps. For those citizens who could not tell the difference between Japanese and Chinese immigrants Life magazine provided the answer in their article “How to Tell Japs from the Chinese”, Japs being a derogatory term for the Japanese (Keene, 893). While this national publication offered stereotypical instructions West Coast Japanese were sent into the internment camps with seven days to liquidate their assets. It was clear the national fear was now focused on the Japanese immigrant.

While the immigrants were being corralled away women found a boost in their level of freedom. The men were away at war and someone needed to fill the positions left at home. Many job opportunities not afforded to women in peace time became accessible during World War Two. But “as the war drew to a close” government propaganda urged women to resume “traditional roles as homemakers” (Keene, 697). Although women had to fight to maintain the freedoms allotted them during times of war they were not the only minority group to find temporary advancement.

While women attained levels of employment never before available to them initially many African Americans found themselves the victims of racial prejudice. Many “wartime industries refused to hire blacks” it was not until FDR was pressured by A. Phillip Randolph and the threat of a march on Washington that an executive order was signed “that forbade discrimination in the defense industry”, opening the employment door to African Americans (Keene, 699). Many civil rights activists wanted to use World War Two “to promote a ‘double-victory campaign’ against both the fascism overseas and racial prejudice at home”, hoping to create “an egalitarian and color-blind society”, however old habits die hard and every step forward was met with an iron fist hitting back (Keene, 699).

The separate but unequal policies that had allowed southern racism to legally continue through segregation had reached its limit by the 1950’s. In a post World War era, with the economy in full swing the Civil Rights Movement came to the forefront of American culture. The case Brown v. Board of Education deemed that segregated schools violated the Fourteenth Amendment, another step toward equality (Keene, 766). Not a year later the Emmett Till murder showcased another aspect of inequality as the evidence was overlooked by the jury and the white murders were acquitted then paid for an interview in which they confessed to the murder (Keene, 767). The frustration, disgust and rage at a failed system catalyzed a new generation of activists.

Where civil war had been the previous route to change the Civil Rights Movement adopted a policy of non-violence. Stemming from the churches the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SLCC) was created with their leader Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. This organization provided a dogma as well as organizational skills to structure the movement. With the implementation of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee or SNCC, the movement for the first time had the youthful exuberance of an energized educated student body with the grace and wisdom of experienced civic leaders. Images like those from Birmingham in 1963 only helped to elicit sympathy by showing the police officers as violent bullies and black students as their helpless victims (Keene, 822-823). This publicity nightmare helped bring attention to the Civil Rights Movement.

In the mid 1960’s female activists joined the women’s movement. Betty Friedan reinvigorated the failed women’s movement of the 1920’s with her treatise the Feminine Mystique, and founding the National Organization for Women or NOW (Keene, 834). It was NOW that “convinced President Johnson to issue an executive order that required government agencies and federal contractors to create affirmative action programs to hire and promote women and minority men”, focusing on advancement through legislation (Keene, 834). However as radical feminists took over, the movement seemed to be one only of white middle class women. “Few black women joined the women’s movement, convinced that racial oppression affected them more severely than sexual discrimination”, asserting that for the time being there were “bigger fish to fry” (Keene, 834).

With the loss of Dr. King the Civil Rights Movement lost momentum. In its wake campaigns for Mexican American and Native American social equality arose. The Mexican and Native American’s became the new targets for “factionalism and police harassment” (Keene, 837).As the Civil Rights Movement had Dr. King, Mexican immigrants had Cesar Chavez, the head of the United Farm Workers union. Chavez “used strikes and marches to secure better working and living conditions” and “appealed directly to consumers convincing seventeen million Americans to stop buying nonunion-picked grapes” to improve the quality of life for many Mexican immigrant farm workers (Keene, 838).

While Mexican Americans unionized Native Americans satirized. On November 20, 1969 Indian activists issued the Alcatraz Proclamation, which pointedly presented centuries of injustice that Native American’s had endured (Keene, 839). The Native American movement did not seek out equality or change through legislature and case law like the Civil Rights and women’s movements, or through boycotts like Montgomery Bus, SNCC and Chavez but with protests like Dr. King’s march on Washington. These elaborate and highly visible protests are what led Nixon “to increase funds for social services on Indian reservations and establish the Office of Indian Water Rights” (Keene, 839). It was through civil unrest that most campaigns for social justice found success.

As the debate raged on into the 1970’s women’s liberation seemed to be the only battle unwillingly to die. Gloria Steinem argued that women’s liberation was good for all Americans, while Phyllis Schlafly proclaimed the “Positive Woman” as the ideal by embracing her “distinctly female role” (Keene, 860). With these two opposing views that of progression versus traditionalism, gender roles and reproductive rights were at the foreground of the debate. “The Supreme Court dealt the feminist movement a stunning victory when it legalized abortion in its 1973 Roe v. Wade decision” (Keene, 861). Although abortion and reproductive rights have been legal for nearly forty years the debate rages on.

While the Civil Rights Movement, women’s liberation or the rights of immigrants have many differences each of their success is still undetermined. Equality in America is a fight that seems to have no end, with every step forward we see another group arise as the disenfranchised minority. One need not look farther into history than November 8, 2008 to see this is true. On that night Americans chose a black president and on that night three hateful propositions were signed into law against homosexuals. As fear and ignorance led white supremacists to lynching fear and ignorance led the citizens of California to ban gay marriage. The struggles share the same heart but the battles have not been won until all citizens are treated equally under the law.

Review versus Critique

Reviews can be posted by anyone where as a critique requires someone to be an expert in the field in order to claim that title. That being said I hate reviewers. They tend to be long winded uninformed and claim to know what they are talking about. The common person can not tell the difference between a reviewer or a critic so as an artist your work is constantly subjected to scrutiny by laymen who are bored and do not have anything better to do than bitch about things they do not like, understand or are jealous of.

Recently a story I wrote last year has come under attack by one such reviewer. I normally would not respond to this type of criticism but it just seems to be a sign of the times. The reviewer is an 18 year old boy in Alabama who didn't like a story I wrote because he thought it was inappropriate and should never have been written. Granted the story is provocative and it is controversial but there is a huge difference between saying I don't like something and it does not deserve to exist. That I have somehow brought a perversion into the world.

Frankly I like the story, a lot of people seem to like the story. It's not perfect. It can use work I will be the first to admit that, but it was good enough to get published. The reality with art is that you are never done. You can always go back and change things if you choose to. The problem with that is if you never leave it alone and say it is good enough you will never produce anything.

I used the Twilight series as a symbol for bad writing. I used Stephenie Meyer as a character in the story without ever saying yes this is Stephenie Meyer, I named the character Stephenie and alluded to her with character traits and exposition. This became a horrible thing because I used an actual person in a fictional story. Oh dear God the world is coming to an end. The thing this reviewer did not pick up on that a critic may have is that the other character was Stephen King who was recreating a scene from Misery.

The well of ideas is only so deep. There are no original ideas. It is what you do with the idea your voice your take on it that makes the story your own and interesting and new. What is ironic is that the piece was about bad art and censorship. And so a piece about bad art and censorship has elicited a response from a reviewer that declares the piece bad art and demand its censorship.

Perhaps this reader got the concept more than he realized. To the point where it required him to subconsciously act out against the piece. Um... I guess it was a good story then.

Tea Bagging in America

OK, so I am going to be really really political right now. Tea baggers can suck it. I don't mean guys who put their nuts on your chin, I mean the Tea Party, the people who think that government is out of control and want lower taxes and small government.  The argument is never about the size of government the argument is about what type of government.

Now I don't like the idea of bailing out the banks and motor industry simply because I think it rewards failure. But I do realize that without the banks or the motor industry the economy would have collapsed. The harsh reality is that, particularly with the banks, we are in a recession made by private sector capitalist greed. Sadly I believe that it can all be traced back to the housing boom. People were buying homes for $500,000.00 and getting 80/20 loans. So with no money down, taking on two mortgages, people who were just so excited to be living the American dream of homeownership got in over their heads. Then the artificially high market value collapsed. Couple that with variable rate mortgages, and you are paying $5,000.00 a month in interest and maybe $1,000.00 on your principal balance. While the banks got richer without having to do any work, as long as people made their mortgage payments, anyone with this kind of a loan became impoverished. When the savings went, and they couldn't get another loan to cover the mortgage, or refinance, coupled with the fact that their $500,000.00 home's current market value is $350,000.00 or less, people started to short sale their homes. But with the influx of short sales came foreclosures. In the case of a short sale or a foreclosure the lending agent takes on a loss. This loss was of their own design by offering loans that no one could afford, by abandoning tried and true business and lending practices in order to make a quick buck. Those that got in while the getting was good made a lot of money and retired. Hopefully their retirement fund wasn't in the stock market.

As the banks took on more debt, they were afraid to lend out money, this directly effected small businesses who need short term loans to cover the cost of their overhead. If mom and pop borrow ten thousand dollars from the bank to buy products from big business to sell to next door neighbor, and the bank won't lend them the ten thousand dollars. Then mom and pop goes under, and big business losses another one of its clients. Trickle down economics doesn't really work, but in today's economy the shit rolls uphill. Hence the bank and motor company bailout.

America used to be the car manufacturers, mostly because Japanese and German car factories were bombed in world war two. With that being said, most people now have Japanese and German cars, some Japanese cars are made in America, but for the most part American cars do not represent the majority of the market. I myself drive a Honda Civic Hybrid, not because I consider myself to be a really green or socially conscious person but because I hate paying for gas and I am poor, so if I can save a hundred dollars on gas a month by having a hybrid, or use the carpool lane to cut my commute in half, I'm going to do that, because it just makes good fiscal sense. If time is money, spending an extra hour on the freeway is a waste of money. American automobiles were behind times. By not keeping up with the current market needs, they became a niche company, which cut into their profits and created the need for a government bailout.

I know I'm a terrible American because I keep my money in a Credit Union and drive a foreign made hybrid, but the fact of the matter is had I not had terrible experiences in domestic cars or with the banking industry, I would drive a Ford and be with Bank of America. But when your cars brake line gets confused and thinks you are applying the brake when the car is off, thus leaking brake fluid which can lead to spontaneous combustion, or you transfer a thousand dollars out of my bank account to some woman in South Dakota via my online banking, that I never registered for without so much as a phone call or letter to see if I had registered for this service, does not instill faith in an institution.

Washington did what they thought was necessary to keep us going. Whether or not you agree with it, the bailouts happened so the real question is what's next?

Health care needs reform as much as the banks do. Insurance companies and drug companies charge exorbitant amounts of money for their goods and services. If the cost was universal to all people then it would not be an issue. I myself have an autoimmune disease. All I need is a hormone supplement everyday. A little pill that keeps me going. That pill with insurance cost between five and ten dollars a month. Without insurance that pill costs me fifteen. Again, pragmatic Lauren, not having insurance costs me nothing. Having insurance would cost me $600.00 a month. As I am a student and a freelancer for all intensive purposes and cannot get employee funded health care. The cost does not outweigh the benefit. Since I am going to school if anything happens I can go to the student health center which is either free or $25.00. Again pragmatism, $25.00 when I need it is a much better option for someone like me, than $600.00 a month just in case.

Tea Baggers are worried about socialism. About government being too big. One of their chants is "gather your armies." Well who do you think pays for the armies? They don't want universal health care because they don't see the need or the benefit, or the cost of the uninsured who run out on their bills. But if we took away life guards, police officers, park rangers, animal control, fire men, city and state parks, Holiday parades, escorts for funeral processions, prisons, prison guards, oh wait they've already privatized prisons at the governments expense, mental health facilities or education, I think they would find something new to complain about.

Everyone has an agenda, and their own set of ideals that need to be met, most are selfish. Tea baggers are just pissed off and want their America back. The problem arises in the definition of America, if you grew up in Tallahassee or in Compton, you would have a very different view on what it means to be an American let alone live in America. Subjective realities trying to dictate for the masses is not the way to run a country as diverse as America.